Summer Kitten
by sgrcoatedpoison
Summary: Raizo and Mika's  life years after the destruction of his clan.Can the once Ninja make the transtion from assassin to father.
1. Chapter 1

Raizo looked warily at the bundle of cloth being held out to him. Part of him wanted to simply dissolve into the shadows but he couldn't. Or wouldn't. He wasn't really sure. There was a tremor in his body that he knew no one else could see but he could feel it. In just a few minutes these people had undone something he had worked years to prevent. He was a ninja; stealthy, deadly, fearless and without weakness. This was a weakness but he found that it didn't bother him as much as it should have. In fact he had very little complaints about this particular Achilles heel. In fact he would wager that he liked it. He took the bunch from the face of someone that he knew he should remember but couldn't, his hands deceptively steady. He wasn't used to being gentle, it was foreign to him. But he was willing to learn.

"She has your eyes." He looked to Mika where she lay, clearly exhausted but happy. His eye flicked from mother to child, from his wife to his daughter before he responded.

"No…they're yours. She's everything like you, you'll see."

He didn't do anything but look for several minutes and was irrationally pleased that the baby stared back right into his eyes. He now understood the idiocracy that often overtook new parents, what with the counting of the fingers and toes and such. He felt tempted to do that himself and to be truthful it was only his pride that was keeping him back. When the bundle started squirming he was shocked into passing the baby to Mika. Who immediately took her and put her face to her breast. Raizo looked around the room and noted that the doctor and nurse had left. He leaned on the edge of the bed and watched as Mika nursed their baby.

"How does it feel?"

"Breastfeeding?"

"No…being a mother?"

"Different and the same. I mean I feel like I've already been keeping her safe for nine months. But now she's out in the world I can actually hold her, see her…you know instead of just feeling her kick me. It hurt so badly and now I feel like I would do it all over again if I had to. I've never felt this happy, this complete. Like something was missing until now."

"Yeah? It's hard to believe you feel so strongly and others just abandon their kids to die…or worse."

"Raizo…"

"I'm not going to leave Mika, this is perfect, unexpected but perfect. Never felt this real before. Never thought a ninja could also be a father…you know a real father"

He bent over and kissed her before she could reply. Just a short touch to her lips and a small smile as he pulled away. He retreated into one of the corners and simply watched the mother and daughter interact. Mika had no qualms counting and recounting her fingers and toes.

"Koneko…I want to name her Koneko…that's the first thing I ever learnt in Japanese."

"Koneko…neko…I like it." He saw Mika struggling to get up and moved in quickly to take the child from her hands and set her in the hospital crib that lay next to the bed. They both watched as the child settled in to a deep sleep before turning their attention to each other. Raizo joined her in bed and put his arms around her gently.

"I'm so proud of you Mika, you were so strong. I was sacred for you…

Aogeba toutoshi wagashi no on

Oshie no niwa ni mo hayaiku tose

Omoeba itotoshi kono toshi tsuki

Imakoso wakareme, iza saraba.

Tagai ni mutsu mishi higoro no on

Wakaruru nochinimo yayo, wasuruna

Mi wo tatte, na wo age, yayo, hageme yo

Imakoso wakareme, iza, saraba.

Asayuu nareshini, manabinomado

Horaru no tomoshibi, tsumu shirayuki

Wasururuma sonaki, yuku toshitsuki

Imakoso wakareme, iza saraba."

It was a lullaby that he had only recently remembered from his early childhood and he had taken to singing it to Mika anytime she had trouble sleeping or simply needed to relax. He couldn't remember the exact translation but it was beautiful just by ear, whether you understood it or not. He closed the windows and turned the light off and finally was able to relax searching all the shadows as was his habit before turning the lights back on and allowing himself to drift off to sleep net to Mika, uncaring the he was still only in a hospital bed.


	2. Chapter 2

A year ago he was convinced that he couldn't care more about anyone than he cared about Mika and even with her he felt as though it was less than what it could have been. They were connected in a way, and he cared for her as much as he could have remembered ever caring for someone but he knew that she was more emotionally invested in the relationship than he was. In his mind all he had to do was to keep her safe and show affection from time to time. He was still very secretive and reserved but Mika seemed to understand and didn't push him. He would disappear at times without warning, at the drop of a hat he would shut off the main switch and patrol the house with his weapons and he was just antisocial and untrusting; they never went out and when Mika did he would over trail her. Part of him knew she needed more but he couldn't give it to her. If he was honest he could but he just wasn't willing to open up completely. He wouldn't allow himself to fully care just so he could be hurt again. It just seemed that this time around he didn't have any choice in the matter.

For the first few weeks since they had been back home Raizo didn't remember blinking much less sleeping. Feeling protective wasn't new to him but what was, were all the added emotions that came with it. He had this unquenchable need to be near the baby, to see and hear her; afraid almost that someone would hurt her or whisk her away. He didn't trust his ability to provide for her and keep her safe. Mika's work friends would come to see her and unlike before he didn't leave them to their own devices rather he would drift around the room trying to intimidate them into leaving. More often than not it worked. Even Mika he found having distrusting and jealous feeling towards because of how much closer there bond seemed to be. For the first time he had something that was his, truly and undoubtedly his. She was a part of him, he was a part of her and surprisingly it didn't hold any of the negative connotations he recalled it having from when he was still a member of the clan. He finally understood the possessiveness his 'father' used have in his voice when said those words. He was glad however that all these new things he was feeling seemed born of warmth. He had once thought that his life's purpose was to take down the nine clans, that that would make him happy and complete. But now his goal much too far from being finished, his Journey on hold and his resolve waning, he had never felt more complete.

He wasn't sure what time it was; lately it had ceased to be measured in minutes but rather intuition. He did know however that in a few minutes the baby would be awake. He was already crib side waiting for her eyes to open. There were always a few seconds after her eyes opened before she would start to cry. He always tried to comfort her before she started wailing because that would wake Mika who would take over and his time with her would be cut short. When he picked her up it felt so natural. He became an extension to him and he handled her as comfortably as if it were one of his weapons. She squirmed slightly before settling into his arms. She had grown so much and still seemed so impossibly small and fragile.

"Shh, it's okay neko. Don't cry daddy's here."

He tested the formula several times before deeming it okay for her to drink. He hated giving her formula but after the injury Mika had sustained when they had first met just lactating was painful for her and rather than try to prolong it, she had started bottling feeding after the first week and . Koneko didn't seem to notice the difference; she was a very fussy child. But then again with a father as attentive as hers she never had a chance to be. He sat in the rocking chair next to her crib waiting on her to finish. Several times she would stop suckling and look at him with something akin to a smile and he would return it. It took a lot of patience to feed her; most times she would rather play and all this before she could even support her own head. All she could do was smile and make small noises but it was obvious what she was at least trying to do. Raizo thought that she was too small and always thought she needed to eat more but there wasn't much he could do about it. The bottle was less by two ounces and he frowned. Surely at five weeks she should be eating more. He put her over his shoulder and started rubbing her back.

"Neko, you need to eat more, and grow quickly. You're too tiny. You scare me sometimes how tiny you are. I feel like I could hurt badly on accident. Sometimes I still hurt mommy on accident, squeeze her hand too tightly… touch her too roughly. And she is so much bigger and stronger than you. I feel like I need to hold you tighter so no one can ever take you away and I know I can't. It would kill me if I hurt you and I've been hurting people all my life. But if you ever looked at me with fear like everyone else has I'd be lost. Neko, Neko, Neko…daddy's little kitten. So sweet and innocent, everything I never had myself. "

They seemed like unnecessary words, spoken to one too young to understand that they even meant something. But it was important to him. He needed it to explain the rush of feelings she made bubble in his chest. It was easier to give a definition than for him to say the word, at least right now when it still seemed too good to be true; the peace after a lifetime of fighting.

Sometime as he spoke she had fallen asleep. He held her still. Repeating everything he had said in Japanese. The foreign language expressing more passionately what he said in English.

Before he put her back in the crib he changed her diaper and wiped her face where milk had settled when she pulled off of the nipple.

He knew he could go back to bed now and not have to worry about her until morning but he couldn't bring himself to leave just yet. Most likely he would stay until Mika awoke and then depending on how he felt after patrolling the house and the yard he would try to close his eyes, though he couldn't promise sleep.

Every day with Koneko was a new little adventure. Raizo could pick up little developments that the other's couldn't and despite wishing that she grew faster he found himself amazed at how much she changed on a daily basis. Every day she became more able, more animated. Smiles turned to laughter and enthusiastic unintelligible sounds. Small movements became wilder and frantic. She was his light. What shocked him was that Mika was right; she was growing to resemble him more than her to which he grudgingly accepted her gloating on the merits of mother's intuition vs. ninja skills, though secretly he was pleased to see something of himself in her features.

The day she started making the 'da-da' noises he couldn't stop smiling for the life of him. He knew that it just a sound and not really her calling him but he allowed himself to indulge in that belief. And when it was the only sound she would make, her way of addressing everything, he still couldn't help from smiling every time he heard it. He also had to stifle a laugh each time Mika tried to teach her to say 'ma-ma'. One day after trying and failing to do just that Mika had sat back and declared that she was a 'Daddy's Girl'. Raizo wasn't familiar with the term but it soon became one of his favorite.


	3. Chapter 3

Raizo didn't like being talked down to, he didn't like people belittling him, he detested ignorance especially in himself and so it only stood to reason that he absolutely hated his current situation. For the past almost week days Koneko was being especially fussy and irritated, even his constant presence wasn't making much of any difference. He had observed as her temperature fluctuated slightly but rapidly and her already small appetite virtually disappeared. He was becoming increasingly worried so much so that it was impossible to hide his agitation.

"Mika, I'm telling you there has to be something wrong, in the months since she was born she had never behaved like this before."

"Well, she's never actually been sick before has she Raizo. It's just a small cold, you're over reacting."

"I've seen far too many babies die from what seemed like 'just a small cold'. "

"Oh Jesus! Raizo, this isn't your secret ninja training school where kids die from mistreatment every other day and it isn't one of the backwater third world hideouts you stayed in. I know my daughter she's fine. If anything, your fussiness is making her even more agitated."

The couple had never really argued about anything before Koneko, the dynamic just didn't allow for it but as they were finding out a baby changes everything. Raizo knew that he probably was overreacting and he was upset with himself that even Mika had picked up on his paranoia and for the sake of things he allowed himself to calm down on the probability that she was right about him upsetting her further. He looked to where Mika was shaking her with slightly too jerky movements, tempted to pull her from her mother's arms but, knowing it would spark another argument he wisely left her there. Mika looked disheveled. For the past few days Mika was spending her nights sleepless, at Raizo's side trying unsuccessfully to settle Koneko down for a full nights sleep. She had bags under her eyes and despite her assurances to Raizo he could see that she was also worried. That only served to worry him more because he had unofficially, internally accepted Mika' s knowledge of babies to guide him through fatherhood. And in the space of a week he was convinced that he was failing miserably.

Eventually Mika's exhaustion won out over her frustration and she handed koneko to Raizo once more before collapsing in a nearby chair. Once again she refused her bottle, didn't need changing and her temperature was steady and right where it was supposed to be. He didn't bother to shake her instead he spoke to her in hushed Japanese tones, as always knowing she couldn't understand but needing it to reassure himself. Needless to say he was pleased when after several long minutes her eyes started to droop and she let out a yawn. When she did his heart gave a small jump and he hoped she didn't feel it. He outright cursed himself for not noticing it before and thanked whatever deity responsible that she wasn't really sick after all.

He could just make out barely there ridges; he had heard and read enough to know that Koneko was in fact cutting teeth. That didn't mean that he knew how to make it better but at least he knew what was wrong. He watched as she sleepily chewed on her fingers, eyes fixed on the raised bumps along her gums. He wanted to jerk Mika from her sleep and demand she tell him what to do but something stopped him. It was this part of being a father that was proving to be increasingly hard; balancing both women in his life. Not only was he trying to raise Koneko but he was also still nursing his relationship with Mika because although Koneko seemed to have reinforced it, it was by no means perfect. He looked at both sleeping females and felt guilty. He apologized to koneko for not being better, for not being everything she needed, for being so ill equipped and flawed. He apologized to Mika for much of the same, and then for neglecting her in favor of koneko. For someone who had looked for himself for most of his life he found it hard to split that attention between two others and he was only managing scarcely. He felt much too vulnerable and weak. He felt s panic rising in him that he had only felt when he believed Mika's death to be on his hands.

He settled Koneko into her crib and carried Mika to their bed. The moon outside seemed to be calling him, pulling him back into his world the world where he was sure and in control. Something was off, something was wrong; he knew that his paranoia had more to do with cutting teeth and family life. He could feel the danger, and it pained him to think that he was putting them into it but his instincts were animalistic and precise. It was distant, faint enough to be indistinct; in fact it could have been anything. It made the hairs on his neck stand when he realized it; even more when he realized that he had almost missed it. He quickly fetched koneko and placed her on the next to Mika. He quickly checked the bedside table for Mika's gun ensuring it was loaded and easily within her reach. He knew his swords were always only a split second from his hand but he grabbed for them anyway. Twirling them and testing the weight in his hand and he was hocked to see that they still felt like an extension of his being after all that time. He thrust into the dark several time before replacing them. In any case it would be a while before they were needed if at all but that had never quelled his caution before. He tucked Koneko into the curve of his body. Frowning as her temperature spiked slightly. He closed his eyes and tried to match his heart and his breathing to hers, striving to take away at least some of her discomfort with his own body.

When he awoke that morning it was to a bed that was warmer and fuller than usual. Koneko was still exactly where he had set her the night before and it didn't seem as though she had moved at all, in fact he was almost certain she hadn't because if she had he was sure he would have felt it. He looked down at her; her hand was still in her mouth which was working furiously on her fingers despite the fact that she was still asleep. He looked over at Mika who had turned to face them during the night. Her hair was even wilder that the night before but other than that he could see that the sleep had help her somewhat; the bags under her eyes weren't as deep and the lines of stress that had been visible on her face when he went to be the night before were also disappearing. He entertained himself with the notion of a happy family for several minutes to long, he decided, when a shiver ran across him and it was all he could do not to shudder visibly. It was only then that he put a name to the feelings he started feeling last night. It was the feeling he got when he knew he was on the trail of one of the clans or when he knew they had picked up on his. He also knew that clans worked slowly and methodically and these feelings would often plague him for months, almost a year, before anything came to fruition. However now, when his own clan had shifted from one to two it was much too soon. And he could fathom himself allowing them to close in on him. But similarly the thought of leaving them seemed impossible. He weighed his options. He could let them find him, single and small clusters of assassins that had proved little to no trouble to him before, but how would he fare knowing it put Mika and Koneko at the same risk and there was always the chance that they used them as leverage. He knew leaving would be better. In the grand scheme of things his desire to see Koneko's every development was merely selfish when the alternative was putting his family's lives in danger.

He didn't know how long he sat there staring at them, committing every part of them to memory although they had been firmly etched in his mind from day one. He knows that by tomorrow this time he won't be with them. He'll be retracing his tracks and laying a false lead much stronger than the real one. He knows that this time he isn't going to go it alone. He thinks of all the agencies that already know the ones that eradicated his original clan and the ones that were brought in to find and destroy the others. He knew that they were making progress slow but sure progress. And after the last burst they had taken to kill him all the clans were severely down in numbers. Even before they had started luring and killing them out each clan couldn't have had more than fifty individuals, more than half being kids in training, kids who hadn't killed yet, and would therefore default if they were reunited with their families before they could do so, kids who could be saved. He knew that the clans couldn't support a full assault and while he had once dreamed of killing them all with his own two hands that was now no longer a goal to him. He just wanted to protect his family so he could watch it grow.

When Mika finally woke, their eyes met and he knew that she knew.

"It's not your fault Mika. I can feel it…they're coming and I don't want them to get 'here'." She nodded jerkily. When their relationship had began an admission like this would have had her in tears but now he kept a rein on her composure, hesitant understanding radiating form every pore. And with that the conversation was as good as over. He would tell her more lately after it had all sunk in but it was settled. He was leaving and she wasn't going to try to stop him.


End file.
